Self First Is When


Brave is when your boyfriend informs you he wants to separate. You make $18.00 an hour and are raising his children, with one on the way. 

Courage is when you pull back all, move into his house, turn over your money to him, try various careers that did not work out and surrender your Pruis because he wished to purchase a brand new mini van. 

Stepping into power is when you must travel forward with nothing. You must locate a dependable vehicle, rent a house in a safe neighborhood, buy beds and things. Then save money for maternity leave so you can still feed your children and pay your bills. This is all accomplished on a budget that leaves you meager between paychecks. 

Humbling is when you understand you did this to yourself, solely to discover that you love yourself more today than ever before.

Drop the Story to Feel


Sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it through the day. I awake from a disturbing dream, one from the depths of lovelessness and I am afraid, feeling distorted and alone. What do I do with this energy? I ask for guidance, tap into Mia’s and Judy’s recordings to help clear. Despite that, the negative feelings continue. I also breathe deep as Dr Sue Morter shows to clear, claim emotions and become the master of self, but how do I step into the negative when I want no part of the negative story? 

If I were to give this loveless place a voice, what would the lovelessness say to me? “I need you, I love you, accept me to be the love that I am.” Because of my rejection, a part of my body has become very contracted, emanating an energy of hate, loneliness, fear, abandonment, depression, negative self image, victimization and judgment. What would that look like to open into loveless territory and be brave to embrace something that feels unembraceable? Maybe to lighten the load, I could open up the moon roof to the sun, plant some grass, nurture the green with some water where flowers bloom. This story I can handle. 

I understand that lovelessness is a teacher to love deeply. But I am afraid to love deeply when I have to step into the loveless story to activate love awake. The story seems to disperse my energy into a bubble of fear. But if I drop the story, then maybe my energy can come together where fear becomes the power, the concentrated breath of focus. I suppose dropping the story is like taking control of the mind, the drama and allowing the body to feel, emanate into a healing embrace. Maybe from this practice, we all could become the master of shadowy emotions, claiming all that love offers.

A Moment


I whispered into his open mouth, but the words turned before they arrived at his tongue and there I remained as my naked shoulders tilted back, queuing my hands to seek communication with his stubbly neck, and slowly glided down to the tweed jacket which fit him perfectly, but did not fit so exquisitely anywhere else. 

Gently my eyes flew upwards, noticing his deep brown gaze dancing with my breath, for the violin occupied his ears.

To Be a Tree


I was placed in the center of all things and from there my roots grew long and wide into the earth. As my roots grew, so too did my branches grow up long and wide, into the sky. There the sun blessed every moment as the soil blessed every moment and so I stood learning how to be a tree. 

Learning how to be a tree did not come with instructions that one would read from a newspaper, a magazine, or a book. Learning how to be a tree came from the sun who taught me to grow, and the soil who taught me how to nourish myself. The wind taught me how to ebb and flow with life and the fungus upon my roots taught me how to communicate with the mothers of the forest. 

To be a tree, I had to allow life to organize just as I needed to be, co-creating, adapting with a system that sustains many possibilities.

Divinity Sustains With Divinity


There is nothing outside of the Earth that the Earth needs to sustain its existence

Divinity sustains itself with Divinity

The intelligence of the Earth is Divine

Divinity needs only itself to exist. 

We are all Divine Intelligence

Can you imagine

If you stepped into your Divine Will,

The only thing you would need was your own existence

Found in the expression of a tomato, a worm, the apple tree and your neighbor

All sustaining the one Divinity

Brecht And The Human Race


Is the human race missing out on their living system component?

You know the one, the matter energy connection that allows ecosystems to self-sustain. 

Can you imagine a queen bee, telling the hive that she is taking ten cents from their wages.

She would be forever managing behaviors; money matters.

However, the queen doesn’t; 

Worker bees imagine themselves, driven by their own inner guidance.

Queen bee is a human name, a name the bee did not imagine herself. 

No wonder Pavel fled into the mystery, leaving his mother to be implicit

His life was imagined for him; hostile

He was searching for his living system component, the matter energy connection; he mattered. 

The explicitness of machine’s roared in his ears, as men on all sides demanded their ten cents

Force begets force, forever detailing the natural

Pavel knew life would be nothing more, and he imagined differently; a life for himself

We are in a paradox of knowing and belief

Authority over self and authority over someone else’s body

Organic and Machine

A machine is a closed-system; a non-intelligent system that can not change on its own

When the human race believes the machine over its own innate intellegance; we fight and die against a non-intelligent system

A machine is what we add to it, forming a box of illusionary restrictions upon expansive intelligence

Matter is an open-system; an intelligent system that ebbs and flows in self-sustainment

When the human race knows it’s own innate intelligence life becomes a collaborated creation 

We become like the bee, eternal intelligence

So, change is already our creation; nothing to fight for said the bee 

Cristy Parker

She Slipped Like Water


She slips through my fingers

Like water

I just wanted to experience her giggles 

Floating like soap bubbles 

Popping with glee

Her hair 

A mesh of both wetness and dryness

Absorbing my attention

Black luminous strands that captured the moon

She smells of salt 

And sea grass

A hint of ocean fresh fabric softener

She refuses containment

Kicking with sandy feet at the oceans edge

Back into the ocean

I had to let her go

The Whole Scene Looked to Me


Maybe a paradox is a crossroads, where one encounters an intersection made of fixed identities; no matter if the identity is imagined for you or self imagined, fixed identities control consciousness. So in this sense, if I understand my own defenses of how I structure my identity into strictness. I could evolve from the paradox into higher awareness. From this perspective, I could utilize my talents fully in performing identity. 

Identity becomes more of a tool when I am not controlled by my own fixed identity. Identity turns into uniqueness, wanting to identify with another’s uniqueness; our place together within the intersection. As I consciously choose to connect to uniqueness, the other person will see me as nonthreatening. So, within this matter to energy connection, the other can change how they identify to the conflict, and both of us can move towards facilitating change. 

Instead of defending ourselves, we can begin to share what is important, intersecting ideas, feelings and talents with each other; we evolve into something greater, together. In this sense, everybody’s perspective has meaning and worth. We can move beyond conflict, change the past held within, step into the present together, and grow into higher conscious awareness upon the planet. Our vibrations rise into the future and relationships are no longer stagnant but performing. 

The cumbersomeness of a fixed identity, either imagined for you or imagined from you, is very stifling to the ebb and flow of one’s being-ness; never growing from the fixedness and strictness. However, by allowing the fixed identities to fall away, our uniqueness shines and our talents work together for the greater good of us all.

Reimagining a Community of Conscious Phenomenon

Research Paper

Albert Einstein once said, “no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it” (Brainy Quote). Consciousness cannot change when the community is imagined by a creator, aligning everyone into logical order generation after generation. So, in this sense, consciousness never rises from the rote narrative of Francis Bacon imagined community of logical order. However, the body does not communicate in logical order. The language of the body communicates through sensory and non-sensory perceptions. So, this paper will argue that because logical order degrades the body into oppression, the natural way to raise consciousness is phenomena.

First, this paper needs to define consciousness as “an essentially quality-involving phenomenon” (Cook). Consciousness is not an abstract concept of mind; instead, it is a sensory and a non-sensory experience that is felt, observed or noticed (Cook). We engage consciousness through experience and it creates meaning for the human being, not from a “quantitative vocabulary” but more in “qualities” (Cook). “Think about the redness of a red experience or the smell of flowers or the taste of mint. You can’t capture these kinds of qualities in the purely quantitative vocabulary of physical science” (Cook). In this sense, consciousness is engaged through experiences of phenomena, navigating the body in its environment. However, the body cannot experience conscious phenomena when the American logical order is telling the body how to navigate.

Metaphorically, America’s imagined smile is the logical order of America today. The imagined smile is perfectly straight teeth as white as white could be, and any smile that strays from that is considered a natural disorder, as promoted through social images. The images oppress crooked teeth, or teeth yellowed or stained, projecting the need for treatment and control. The dentist becomes the all authority over teeth, correcting what is wrong with the body because the teeth need saving. America has discursively played this trope to the point where society then becomes the authority, oppressing anything that goes against logical order, a continued consciousness from the 1700s.

The consciousness of America’s imagined smile came from the imagined society of Francis Bacon (and men like him) who imagined society in his own image. Bacon was a man of godlike status. “He was in an extremely influential social position” just like the straight white teeth you see in the America movies (Merchant 165); I can view both as symbols of importance. Bacon (and others like him) was socially high in ranking: a lawyer, a lord chancellor, and a man of science (Merchant 165). This use of logical order was most clearly seen in how force to get “control of nature for human benefit” (Merchant 164). The “women’s place in the order of nature” had to yield to the forceps of man (Merchant 143). Until the 1700s, midwifery was a serious profession to women (Merchant 153). Women had to apprentice, train and follow “set standards,” however, “they were excluded from attending medical school” (Merchant 152). Male surgeons imagined their community differently and “wish[ed] to practice midwifery with forceps” (Merchant 153). A woman’s oiled hands that rubbed the cervix gently was logically seen as unnatural as man replaced them with forceps (Merchant 153). Like midwives, one could view whitening teeth as harshness to the natural order. It takes a strict mind of perfection to straighten nature with braces, and like forceps, molding nature into logical order. Bacon, and men like him, used logic order to form their imagined community; professionals (educated males) were needed to correct the imagined identities that were disorders of nature. Logical order turned nature into a disorder and all disorders needed logical orders help to save it from itself. This was the experience in the 1700s and this is the consciousness of America today.

However, the body does not communicate in logical order; the language of the body is consciousness phenomenon. The language of the body is “a combination of sensory and non-sensory cognition” (Crowley). In this sense, logical order is a foreign language to the body of no meaning because meaning come’s from the sensory experience of phenomena (Crowley). A midwife using gentle touch to the cervix could be seen as using the body’s sensory and non-sensory cognition to articulate the language of birth. Touch gives the midwife direct engagement to the mother and to the baby, feeling into the meaning of the experience to tap into “new, or different dimensions” (Crowley). Birth is a phenomenon of consciousness. So in this sense, the combination of sensory and non-sensory cognition is a way to tap into conscious phenomenon. However, when logical order replaces the mind body connection with forceps, the body communication is disrupted, losing the conscious phenomena connection when change comes as forceps. The forceps force the body to give birth when both body and baby have their own natural rhythm. In this sense, logical order disrupts the natural order of life. To reimagine community, human beings need conscious phenomena in order to rise above oppression.

Finally, the body needs reimagined from needing to be saved, imagining that it has everything it needs to navigate in life. We do not need control for our benefit as Bacon would suggest (Merchant 164). However, when the body is imagined by someone else, we need the creator to save us. Our identity is “gods” creation, our world is “gods” creation, and our bodies become a “god-made” disorder. Lucia Bennett Leighton asked, “Have you ever noticed yourself changing your posture, eye contact and even tone and cadence of your voice almost involuntarily when interacting with others who hold more social privilege than you” (17)? A human being, experiencing conscious phenomena brings a sense of belonging but when a person has to leave their identity or identify differently, conflict arises not only in the mind, but a person feels conflict in the body as well. The “forceps” cause ridged constriction throughout the body, at least this is my experience of conforming to an imagined community. An imagined community is a world that the body cannot identify, causing disorder for the professional to fix. Who needs a therapist? However, the body identifies with conscious phenomena because the body is a conscious phenomenon that can raise consciousness.

Consciousness cannot identify with an imagined community; because life is thought of for the body, consciousness needs to live through the body. Hence, “Consciousness is the intrinsic nature of matter,” and sensory perception is the language a body understands (Cook). One of the key components in changing the consciousness of the Western society is to recognize the disconnected imagined community and to navigate from the body to experience conscious phenomena. A good start would be to notice the narratives from the media. When a story comes through and the professional claims that, “The United States is being invaded by Mexico,” the media may be using the topic as forceps, imagining for you the birth of an ideology (Bebout 77). However, to rise from this ideology, you could find the “intrinsic nature of matter” by discussing with people their feelings and experiences behind the topic (Cook). “The only way we can find out about the consciousness of others is by asking them: I can’t directly perceive your experience, but I can ask you what you’re feeling” (Cook). This conversation allows consciousness to interweave with another consciousness. People, imagining themselves, experiencing each other, comes from a natural, non-imagined, matter to energy connection that has nothing to do with mind instructing the body how to act (Cook). Instead of the mind being the authority, the body and mind can merge, pulling in the needed information together to “give rise to the inner subjective world of colors, sounds sneaks and tastes that each of us know in our own case” (Cook). Sensory perception allow’s the body to tap into the “deep mystery,” ebbing and flowing with the mind, fitting into the incoming nuances with the outside world (Cook). As the body and mind work together, exploring in the experiences, consciousness can change at any moment. Change can only take place in the newness of the now moment, however, logical order inhibits anything from changing on its own accord, stifling consciousness. 

Albert Einstein was correct when he said that problems cannot change if the consciousness does not change. Here, it is the imagined society of America, still smiling the Francis Bacon imagined community of the 1700s. The American society puts people into logical order just like their teeth, creating the American “god-like” image. However, the body is oppressed from the trope narrative that discursively repeats in the American imagined community. America needs to rise above the imagined community, we need to step into our bodies and allow conscious phenomena to guide our reimagined community. It is here in consciousness phenomenon that magic happens within the individuality of who we imagine ourselves to be, recreating our world into a reality.

Work Cited

Abram, David. The spell of the Sensuous. New York: Penguin Random House L.L.C, 1996 Print

Brainy Quote. 2021, “Albert Einstein Quotes” 2001-2021.

Bebout, L. Whiteness On The Border. New York University. 2016 

Caldwell, Christine and Leighton, Lucia, B. Oppression and the body: roots, resistance, and resolution. “The trauma of Oppression: A Somatic Perspective.” (Leighton, 17). California: North Atlantic Books, 2018 Print

Cook, Gareth. “Does Consciousness Pervade The Universe?” Science America. 14 Jan, 2020. 

Crowley, Michael. “Experiencing Ecology.” Schumacher Collage. 2000/2001

Merchant, Carolyn. The Death of Nature; Women, Ecology, and the Scientific Revolution. New York: Harper San Francisco, 1990 Print


Where do I stand

in the mist of all these books, each offered as an appetizer, waiting for me to take a bite of the sensual crumbs as if I could get a taste of myself.

I can’t help but feel captured by their presences, that I have to prove myself to them, get to know them, dialogue with them. 

When all I want to do is release and love, lean into the discovery within the pages of creativity, the place where a child sits in wonderment, playing with her books, setting them up for a tea party. 

We converse over tea the books and I, conversation is a willing intellectual passings, from one book to another. And me, I would be the open book with random writings and some empty pages.

I would not want to fill myself up, certainly not with ideal chit chat but with meaningful phrases that with each inking would create another empty page.